Everything reminds me of you. Photos, songs, and places.
Am I okay? I thought I could be.
Did I lie?
Drama queen. A crazy drama queen.
Oh, I want attention.
I scream in my car, the only time I am ever alone.
I sometimes still fill my hand with an entire bottle of sleeping pills. Yeah.
But, I won’t attempt. Not again.
I have not cried in weeks.
I take long showers. I sit under the water, scolding hot water.
I want you to understand this is not for attention.
I get these feelings that something bad is going to happen.
I still crave your excitement.
For once, be honest with me-care about me more.
What is wrong? Too much.
What is right? Too much.
When can I be happy?
When will this good stuff be what is interesting?
I still have scars.
But, I do not need to be fixed.
You tried taking me down.
You were my love, but you still treated me like nothing.
When will this work?
When will I be enough?
Am I selfish?
It is time to say goodbye.
I am alive.
You were suffering.
Thank you for the memories, but I hate remembering them.
I am sorry you were used, but you hurt me too.
You were sick and tired. I understand.
You did not want love.
I am not going to cry for you anymore.
You let me down.
But, I never thought it would be this hard to let you go.
Why I am I on the bathroom floor?
I will not cry for you.
You did not want to feel this, but I do. It is far much better than being numb.
It was easier for you to not feel at all.
Distractions. Distractions. Distractions.
It was so empty.
I will not be you anymore.
I am trying. But, you call to me.
The top of the world is beautiful, though.
If I started crying, I would probably never stop.
There is still so much pain in remembering you.
I want you gone.
Hey, it’s me.
I sometimes still miss you. I look at photos of you. I think about your friends. Did you leave them or did they leave you? Full of all these questions. I wonder about you. I think about what happened. What if it didn’t happen? I should drop it, right. It was a game. I meant nothing to you. We are supposed to grow and you never let me.
I do not want to die anymore, but some days do not even feel real.
Looking at myself; hating what I see.
Desperate to change, because I do not want to let myself down again.
I am so afraid this will never go away.
But, I can not carry this hate anymore. I can not live in the past.
I am too busy fighting for today.
I choose not to self-destruct.
I choose life.
I am happy it did not work out for us.